Selfalot

Daily Quote: “When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard,” I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?” Sydney J. Harris

One of the most reluctant tasks we take on ourselves is to ask for help. We hate doing it. Our fear of possible rejection, our embarrassment in being turned down and the thought of making a fool of ourselves stops us dead in our tracks.

Here is a great exercise to do. List seven goals you would like to achieve selecting various categories in your life such as relationships, careers, education, money earning, health, fun time and recreation for instance.

Write down what you would like to achieve in these areas. You might write down to have a loving partner as one of your goals, or an x amount of money in the bank. You might want to knock off about 20kg in weight, or climb a tall mountain as a challenge. Whatever you can think of that you would really like to do.

Once you have your list all clearly identified and written down, fill in a block next to your goals of people who could help you achieve this. You might think of that lovely person you wanted to ask out for a date but never had the courage to do.

You could jot down the local weight watchers office number for your weight loss. Then there is the local mountaineering club for your challenge, or the local top businessman for help with a business to grow so that you can make that x amount of money you want to see in your bank account.

Every one of your goals will have somebody whom you could ask to help you find a way to fulfill your dreams. Somebody is doing what you want to do and there is somebody who is expert at what you want to be able to do. You might not even need to know this person or people. You could just search for them online or in your telephone directory.

It won’t take you long at all to find the right person who could give you a leg up. Help you along in your quest and assist with knowledge and resources. Once you have your list, all it will now require is the courage for you to ask for help.

For most people, this step is where it stops. They might have written down their goals, identified the mentor or coach who could help and even jotted down the contact details. Then what? Nothing. No more action. Because at this stage it becomes too difficult.

The mind talk starts straight away. This person won’t want to talk to me. That person is far too important to want to spend time with me never mind giving a helping hand. And that top businessman is never ever going to stoop to my level and want to help me out.

You will never know if you don’t ask.

Here’s the next step in your task. In the third column, work out how much it is costing you in your achievements by not asking. What is the loss to you, the enrichment of your life, the bottom line? What if you don’t ask that friendly girl out for a date? She smiles at you and makes easy conversation. Why not ask her out?

But you are too shy. So what is the consequence of this? You could end up being without a partner. Some people are ok with that. But if you put this down as a goal and would like to be in a loving relationship then not asking somebody out for a date is a dead certainty towards failure.

That means that the one question you didn’t want to ask could lead to years of lonely existence. That is a very big penalty to pay for not asking. Trade off a few minutes of nervousness for many years of happiness. And if she says no, it means you got some practice in. It might just be easier to ask the next time. Nothing has been lost.